Your Other Dad says feeling adrift is an opportunity to see differently
Dear Other Dad,
Okay, so, maaaybe this is what they call a quarter-life crisis. I’ve got my bachelor’s degree, and I’ve worked in my field for a few years, but I’m… not feeling it anymore? I am contemplating what it means to make a major career change. I don’t think I’ll need more schooling, just a major environmental shift. It’s heartbreaking for me to consider leaving my current field I’m so passionate about. Part of me feels like I could enter a more impactful field, more purposeful to try and make a difference in the world.
Sincerely,
~A Conflicted Creature
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Your Other Dad says the core issue isn’t gender; it’s the tricky nature of crushes.
Dear Other Dad —
Okay, I’m trans and have a crush on a guy friend I had before I transitioned. Help?
— .transam
I know your situation feels complicated by something modern— your ability to publicly transition — but, at root, it’s really a problem as old as time: all crushes are inherently risky.
Having a crush is a heady experience. At its best, it offers rushes of electricity and optimism; at its worst, it can plague you with self-doubt. When you have a crush on someone, it’s hard to slow down your racing heart and think logically about what…
Your Other Dad says calling out harm is important — but how you do it makes a difference
Dear Other Dad,
As a student I have witnessed institutions go to great lengths to suppress LGBTQ creativity in favor of shallow virtue signaling. Most importantly, I have witnessed LGBTQ work be dismissed and not be supported as eagerly as straight work. Witnessing these things has led me to become discouraged with achieving my academic and career goals. It has also led me to develop a bad reputation since I’ve made a habit out of calling this out.
As an LGBTQ student of color, is it worth it to call out the forces that have wronged me? As an LGBTQ…
Your Other Dad says it’s time to change the conversation
Each week Your Other Dad answers questions about navigating life in a very modern world.
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“Dear Other Dad —
I’m out to my parents as trans and they say they accept me but after 2 years they won’t use my pronouns or name. What do I do?
–Koda”
Two years is a long time, Koda, and you must be exhausted from the dailiness of this failure.
First, let’s talk about what your parents are doing right: They are offering at least verbal acceptance and not consciously distancing themselves from you. You might think that’s a low bar for praise…
Your Other Dad says the age keeps dropping — and the first time may not be the last.
Each week Your Other Dad answers questions about navigating life in a very modern world.
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This week, two readers wrestled with when to come out — what age to start and how long the process takes.
“Dear Other Dad —
How do I know the right age to come out? Is there an average?”
— Keira”
“Dear Other Dad —
It feels like I keep coming out — to my best friend, my brother, my whole family, and now at school. When do I get to stop telling people?”
— NanceBoy”
Because coming out is so personal, I was…
Your Other Dad says: Trust your own friendship style but make room for variety, too.
Each week in “Your Other Dad Says,” I answer questions about navigating life in a very modern world.
“Dear Other Dad — I’ve been thinking a lot throughout the pandemic about friendship, and the fact that I often tend to make friends with adults rather than people in my age group. And while I adore the friendships I have with the loving, supportive adults in my life, being ‘mature for my age’ sometimes leaves me feeling isolated from the social structures around me, or feeling as though I don’t have a lot of close friends at school. I don’t want…
What does the view look like on Biden-Harris inauguration day?
On inauguration day, I imagine…
Four years without worrying that the White House will create new rules that target me as a gay person and my friends as transgender people…
Four years where the President won’t fly from rally to rally making comments he well knows will stoke racism and sexism and xenophobia…
Four years where religious minorities will again be welcome in a nation that enshrined the separation of church and state into its Bill of Rights…
Four years in which immigration, without which the nation would not exist and could not survive, is no longer inherently treated as…
COVID-19 made our modern romance an old-fashioned courtship
It was supposed to be a diversion.
When COVID-19 rewrote everything this spring, I was settled comfortably into a full life as a single dad, busy with parenting, writing, and two jobs. My dating app use was sporadic and it had been months since I’d logged on. Whenever I did, seeing an appealing guy was like any other kind of online window shopping — I’d also checked out a few sexy air fryers in my time, and had never pulled the trigger on one of those either.
Social distancing ramped up the unlikelihood of me actually taking dating seriously. I’m…
Your Other Dad Says: Change your expectations and stay in the moment
Each week in “Your Other Dad Says,” I answer questions from young people about navigating life in a very modern world.
Friendships can be amazing and amazingly tricky all at once. And, like everything else, they tend to evolve over time: what might feel like a safety net at one moment in your life feels more like a tightrope at another point. The younger you are, the harder it is to accept that most friendships don’t actually last a lifetime — and that that’s ok.
This week, I look at two seemingly opposing situations (one writer can’t keep friends and…
Navigating code-switching, authenticity, and professors who won’t keep up.
Welcome to Your Other Dad Says. Each week, I answer questions from young people about navigating life in a very modern world.
Dear Other Dad — I attend a predominantly white institution, which is also a school for fine arts. I am a theater major and we have voice and speech classes. Sometimes while trying accents and dialects, it is very clear that “proper speech” sounds nothing like how I speak at all and I get self-conscious when trying to adjust how I speak. My tone has been called harsh/hostile when I am just passionate or confident. I don’t know…
David Valdes
David Valdes is a Cuban-American playwright and author. He’s written about family, race, and LGBTQ issues for the New York Times, Boston Globe, and HuffPo.
